Monday, October 17
My Very First Post
The phone rings and this hollow, pre-recorded voice offers a 4th grade class on Monday. 1 to accept, 9 to decline.
I push 1, and it begins.
Jesus, those kids were sharks and I was a hemorrhaging meatloaf.
Behind those sparkling eyes and gap-toothed Dakota Fanning grills lies some kind of unblinking Satan. A single minded Satan that works each one of those bastard cherubs against me like twisted orc pawns in a Lord of the Rings chess set. Worksheets? Movies? A tie??? Only holy water can help now.
Huh?: Second bullet on lesson plan, "1015 - 1100, positive/negative pumpkins." No pumpkins anywhere, kids get "STOMP: the movie" instead. Eerily, they seem to have every routine memorized, clapping in-time at several points.
Oops!: Challenge punks to finish some worksheet involving newspapers and numbers as fast as they can. Winners get to choose their job for the week! Result, worksheet done in under ten minutes, winners not only get choice of weekly job, but also prime seating for the encore presentation of "STOMP: the movie"
Sweet!: The littlest, quietest girl in class brings me a picture she drew during the second stomp. It's a graveyard scene. Witch in front of moon, sheet ghost, whatever. But look there, on one of the tombstones, the last words, "I told you I was sick!"