Saturday, January 28
Bird flu's bright side? Work.
An avalanche of student teachers has blanketed every available job.
My most recent work--last Friday, third graders, one gave me a note in an origami box telling me I was "the greatest teacher he ever had," that note is now on my resume--seems years ago.
Monday I turn in applications at another district and with the high schools.
I'm also considering expanding beyond the classroom. Customer service, mail delivery, sandwich maker, street sweeping, waste management, professional curling, taffy pulling, massage, barnacle scraper, candy inspecting, yes manning or fall guying, old-dude monitor, gravel churning, crab appler, acupuncture, I'm pretty sure I could sub for any of these things. So, if one of your regular crab-applers calls in, give this blog a hit.
My most recent work--last Friday, third graders, one gave me a note in an origami box telling me I was "the greatest teacher he ever had," that note is now on my resume--seems years ago.
Monday I turn in applications at another district and with the high schools.
I'm also considering expanding beyond the classroom. Customer service, mail delivery, sandwich maker, street sweeping, waste management, professional curling, taffy pulling, massage, barnacle scraper, candy inspecting, yes manning or fall guying, old-dude monitor, gravel churning, crab appler, acupuncture, I'm pretty sure I could sub for any of these things. So, if one of your regular crab-applers calls in, give this blog a hit.
Wednesday, January 18
The Pitch
Hey, how about this for a TV show, Kids Mumble the Darndest Things to Themselves.
What? You're not sold?
Picture this kid (We'll call him Brandonly). Kindergarten age. Coloring his drawing of the Little Red Hen (Remember her? She didn't get help from the other farm animals to make bread? And then ate the bread all by herself while watching the life drift from their hunger-racked bodies? Remember her?).
Anyway this kid, coloring. While he's coloring he presses harder and harder with his red color pencil, making darker and darker marks. Now get this, the whole time he's mumbling to himself:
"Press with greater power Brandonly"
Kids! They're nuts!
I subbed Kindergarten today
What? You're not sold?
Picture this kid (We'll call him Brandonly). Kindergarten age. Coloring his drawing of the Little Red Hen (Remember her? She didn't get help from the other farm animals to make bread? And then ate the bread all by herself while watching the life drift from their hunger-racked bodies? Remember her?).
Anyway this kid, coloring. While he's coloring he presses harder and harder with his red color pencil, making darker and darker marks. Now get this, the whole time he's mumbling to himself:
"Press with greater power Brandonly"
Kids! They're nuts!
I subbed Kindergarten today
Saturday, January 14
I'll start updating daily, really.
Three whole days of subbing to review!
Wednesday
Second day in that 5th grade class. Luckily that recycling video I got from my brother killed about a hour. After the video i asked the kids to think of things they could recycle, reuse, use less of, and compost. (The tables that thought of the most ideas got table points. Table points!)
Like I was stretching time, some kids were stretching their ideas pretty thin. One sweet lil' special angel had almost 20 ideas for composting. The list included:
Banana peels
Orange peels
Lemon peels
Melon peels
and so on
Call me a curmudgeon, but I had to repeel a few of those answers.
Thursday
Last day in that 5th grade class and thank God. I pretty much used up any authority I carried into the class on day 1. The lesson plan was watered down into a weak mix of her thrown-together suggestions and my half-baked ideas.
Players of the game today? Silent reading time and Minimum day.
Friday
Finished the week in a fifth grade class that I had subbed a few months ago. The class still loves their computers, although Nanosaur has taken a backseat to this bug game that rips off that one movie about bugs and the lives of bugs.
But, boy howdy, did they get a new toy.
After lunch I notice the class has a slightly higher energy level than usual. I'm always trying to offer insight into this job for the lay person, so I'll tell you how my finely tuned perception skills picked this up. One girl, her name escapes me, had this subtle gleam in her eye and a certain delicately pensive way of holding her shoulders as she sprinted circuits around the classroom while her classmates jumped in place and squealed.
I soon discovered the source of their excitement. Immediately after taking my place at the front of the classroom, the class loudly chanted:
DDR! DDR! DDR! DDR! DDR!
That's right, Dance Dance Revolution. They had it. I couldn't believe it. Somehow I held their attention long enough to get through a spelling test and science ditto. With about half an hour left in the day I had a choice, turn on the Playstation and let the DDR mats come rolling out or face certain trampling.
A two person video game? In class? What's next a pig head on a pole?
Get this, the kids shared those two DDR mats perfectly for thirty minutes. They never made fun of the less coordinated of the bunch. The wallflowers were even encouraged to join le revolution, even if it meant a good player waiting a little longer. Sure it's flashy, noisy, and enjoyed by the kids, but I think it may also be valuable.
Hear me out, hear me out-- these 5th graders are what, 10? They're getting old and it's time to get introduced to lovely algebra and chemistry, but they're still learning to play too, right? "Learning to play," I know that sounds soft, really soft. But if thirty kids are all waiting patiently and happily for one of two spots at a game that they all want badly to play and a (substitute) teacher never gets involved, something good has got to be developing. Something that, based on how some of us growed-ups act, may only have a chance to develop at a certain age.
Wednesday
Second day in that 5th grade class. Luckily that recycling video I got from my brother killed about a hour. After the video i asked the kids to think of things they could recycle, reuse, use less of, and compost. (The tables that thought of the most ideas got table points. Table points!)
Like I was stretching time, some kids were stretching their ideas pretty thin. One sweet lil' special angel had almost 20 ideas for composting. The list included:
Banana peels
Orange peels
Lemon peels
Melon peels
and so on
Call me a curmudgeon, but I had to repeel a few of those answers.
Thursday
Last day in that 5th grade class and thank God. I pretty much used up any authority I carried into the class on day 1. The lesson plan was watered down into a weak mix of her thrown-together suggestions and my half-baked ideas.
Players of the game today? Silent reading time and Minimum day.
Friday
Finished the week in a fifth grade class that I had subbed a few months ago. The class still loves their computers, although Nanosaur has taken a backseat to this bug game that rips off that one movie about bugs and the lives of bugs.
But, boy howdy, did they get a new toy.
After lunch I notice the class has a slightly higher energy level than usual. I'm always trying to offer insight into this job for the lay person, so I'll tell you how my finely tuned perception skills picked this up. One girl, her name escapes me, had this subtle gleam in her eye and a certain delicately pensive way of holding her shoulders as she sprinted circuits around the classroom while her classmates jumped in place and squealed.
I soon discovered the source of their excitement. Immediately after taking my place at the front of the classroom, the class loudly chanted:
DDR! DDR! DDR! DDR! DDR!
That's right, Dance Dance Revolution. They had it. I couldn't believe it. Somehow I held their attention long enough to get through a spelling test and science ditto. With about half an hour left in the day I had a choice, turn on the Playstation and let the DDR mats come rolling out or face certain trampling.
A two person video game? In class? What's next a pig head on a pole?
Get this, the kids shared those two DDR mats perfectly for thirty minutes. They never made fun of the less coordinated of the bunch. The wallflowers were even encouraged to join le revolution, even if it meant a good player waiting a little longer. Sure it's flashy, noisy, and enjoyed by the kids, but I think it may also be valuable.
Hear me out, hear me out-- these 5th graders are what, 10? They're getting old and it's time to get introduced to lovely algebra and chemistry, but they're still learning to play too, right? "Learning to play," I know that sounds soft, really soft. But if thirty kids are all waiting patiently and happily for one of two spots at a game that they all want badly to play and a (substitute) teacher never gets involved, something good has got to be developing. Something that, based on how some of us growed-ups act, may only have a chance to develop at a certain age.
Tuesday, January 10
Flag Day
RED FLAG! Smack center on the teacher's desk is a note from yesterday's sub.
RED FLAG! The note explains in detail how yesterday's sub used most of the material intended for today.
REDDEST FLAG! The VCR is broken!
So today was all about stall/delay tactics. Kids lined up outside? Wait a minute to let them in. Silent reading scheduled to last 15 minutes? Stretch it out to 20.
I made it, and even got a whole week's worth of assignments out of it. That's right apparently the teacher will be out Wednesday and Thursday as well. How will I kill two more days of lesson plan-less classtime? Any ideas?
RED FLAG! The note explains in detail how yesterday's sub used most of the material intended for today.
REDDEST FLAG! The VCR is broken!
So today was all about stall/delay tactics. Kids lined up outside? Wait a minute to let them in. Silent reading scheduled to last 15 minutes? Stretch it out to 20.
I made it, and even got a whole week's worth of assignments out of it. That's right apparently the teacher will be out Wednesday and Thursday as well. How will I kill two more days of lesson plan-less classtime? Any ideas?
Monday, January 9
The Heroic Return
So, I lived and returned to sub another day, four other days since the last post actually.
Three of those days were wayyy back in 2005 before Winter break. Not much happened, except one day I subbed two half days, that means I made a whole 15 bucks over the usual day pay. w00t.
My first 2006 assignment was pretty stupendous. Last Tuesday I covered an 8th grade history class. It went a little something like this:
"Hey my name is Mr. Gire, your teacher wants you to copy this timeline and map. If you don't then I might just give you this optional homework he left for you guys. Now I'm going to read a book at the front of the class while you work quietly under the fear of extra homework."
Three of those days were wayyy back in 2005 before Winter break. Not much happened, except one day I subbed two half days, that means I made a whole 15 bucks over the usual day pay. w00t.
My first 2006 assignment was pretty stupendous. Last Tuesday I covered an 8th grade history class. It went a little something like this:
"Hey my name is Mr. Gire, your teacher wants you to copy this timeline and map. If you don't then I might just give you this optional homework he left for you guys. Now I'm going to read a book at the front of the class while you work quietly under the fear of extra homework."
