Screendoor Sub

I may have done my first horrible thing today. The kind of thing that kids will remind each other of years afterward. "Do you remember that one sub? That crazy sub?" I'll blame the steadily mounting pressure of the day, starting with...

The Kid Who Wouldn't Take Off His Hat

Five times I tell this one lil angel to take off his hat. And six times he put it back on. Then he took a picture with his cell phone without turning that unmistakable digital picture click sound off.

My first confiscated cell phone!

Michael Freekin' Moore

Back row, center aisle. Here's this perfect tiny human being tracking me with a digital camcorder.

What. The. Hell.

I get up from my desk. He tilts the camera up, keeping his eyes glued to the flip out screen.

I walk down the aisle. The lens follows.

I'm standing over this delightful cherubic specimen of innocence. He leans back to keep the camcorder trained on my face.

"You can have that back at the end of the period"

"OK"

Finally, that Terrible Thing

How does a kid get a pen with a built-in Operation game?

This thing was the size of a cucumber and perfectly mimicked that annoying buzz from the Operation home game.

I see this monstrosity, I ask the shining beacon of scholarship if he has to use a pen that big. He says it's his only one.

It buzzes and buzzes, I tell him he can borrow a pencil. I don't want to see the board game again.

He puts it away and as soon as my back is turned...

BUZZ!

When I turn around, there's this mini man of letters smiling with that damn pen.

I'm sick of confiscating things at this point. So, I chuck that football sized pen into the trash. I tell the flawless academic he knows where he can pick up his pen after class.

A synchronized gasp sweeps over the room. Didn't have too many more problems with that period.

Am I a monster?